Overcoming Guilt

Guilt is an emotion which drags us downhill. This guilt multiplies itself within us, when we can’t forgive ourselves. Someone else may or may not forgive us, but when we don’t forgive ourselves the problem worsens. The guilt keeps pricking us inside, presenting us with tougher emotions.

Guilt makes us weaker, it kills us like a termite killing the furniture. As humans, we have been blessed with an ability to make wise choices. We humans unlike other living beings can think wisely about the pros and cons before making the choices. Guilt is not a pleasant emotion to stay with for a longer time. It is imperative that we kill this guilt and free ourselves sooner.

The three virtues that have helped me in dealing with guilt are acceptance, patience, and faith.

• Acceptance: Accepting the fact, that we have made a mistake is the first step towards forgiving and presenting ourselves the freedom. An acceptance in our head also makes us aware of our actions and that helps us from repeating our errors. Unless we accept that what we did was wrong or a mistake, we will keep validating our actions as rightful and that does not benefit us.
• Patience: Sometimes, we do take wrong decisions. We are human beings and we are bound to make mistakes in our course of life. We can aspire for perfection but at the same time, we can allow ourselves a scope for errors too. Attaining perfection is a matter of discipline and a learning process by itself. Patience to pave this way makes us stronger and wise.
• Faith: Faith can move mountains is an age-old adage. Faith helps us remain stronger and tread the path painlessly. It gives us the clarity to see the road ahead. It gives us strength to keep moving.

I know a female who had to leave her job when her career was at the highest point. All her colleagues had moved much ahead of her when after three years she wanted to revive it back. She felt heartbroken in the initial months of her job hunt. It made her nervous and sad. Her confidence kept falling each day. From a confident woman to a helpless woman, she had turned miserable.

Her journey had helped me understand these three steps with clarity. She made peace with her circumstances in which she had to leave her job. Instead of blaming her loved ones and herself she accepted the situation and decided to deal with it. She held patience until she found the right job and at every step of the forward march, she saw people who were younger than her at much higher cadre. Her trainees at some places were now training people. She was happy with the progress of her ex colleagues, but about her own life she felt sad and at such times she kept reminding herself of one virtue – patience. She kept telling herself, “Start from where you are, at every step the destination keeps getting closer. When comparison was beginning to hurt her, she stopped comparing herself with others and instead begun to compare her today with her yesterday. Even a small progress each day was making her feel better and helped her regain her confidence. In the entire journey, faith had been her walking stick. Taking the support of this walking stick, she kept going ahead.

Finally, when she had reached her destination years after she had begun again, she visited the temple and read the lines inscribed on its wall, “Charaiveti, Charaiveti.” The Tamil words means, “Keep moving, keep moving.” She smiled at her Lord and with gratitude filled in her heart she vowed to keep moving.

Tale of a Mother

Two girls, Maria and Meera were sisters from the same mother. Maria was the elder among two and was a very active and extrovert child. Right since her childhood she knew what exactly she wanted and how she would achieve it. Meera on the other hand was a happy go lucky younger one. Not very high on ambitions and a very content little child.

As kids, Maria always insisted on having a Barbie and Meera would settle with any doll that she got as long as it was a new one and it smiled. Papa was a little short-tempered man and always found Meera easy to deal with and hence he loved her more. Mom, like any mother could never love her one child more than another. She loved both equally. Of course, she had her mommy moments when she would feel tired, exhausted with having to deal with two different personalities altogether, but no mothers ever give up on their kids.

There were nights, when she would lay awake in the bed staring at the ceiling, feeling helpless and clueless when Maria demanded something that they couldn’t afford or when Meera came home being walked over by one of her friend or school mate. She questioned her own parenting skills and often pondered if she was doing something wrong with her two kids. Papa, was an inactive parent and hence she never bothered him, despite her inner voice screaming, “he was an equal partner while manufacturing them, he is responsible too, involve him, consult him, hand it over to him, you need…no you deserve a break.” But she silenced this voice by ignoring her needs. She kept toiling herself as a mother and slowly, gradually the woman in her was being killed by herself.

As a girl, she had her own dreams and once she was married, her husband was always supportive of her aspirations. But things changed with Maria and Meera knocking the doors of their life. Without her attention, she had become a mother and her dreams had evaporated. Her husband had begun to think of his wife as a mother now and forgotten all about her dreams and aspirations.

After 25 years when Maria and Meera grew up and had their own careers charted out for them, they came and asked their mother, “Maa, you wanted us to become successful and have our victory moments. Did you ever feel about having such moments for yourself?”

She smiled and looked at her husband, who had guilt written in his eyes. He wanted to speak but was stopped by her as she answered, “Seeing the two of you successful in your lives, witnessing the happiness on your faces, is the biggest victory moment for me my girls. You are my life and what matters to a mother more than her kids.”

That night as the husband and wife laid on bed, they both starred at the ceiling and today was a night when he would speak. He said, “I am sorry sweetheart, I don’t know if I can ever make up for my mistakes, for my ignorance, for my selfishness. But I promise you to help you live your dream from here on.” She smiled and forgave the loving husband who had taken 25 long years to see the reality.

After a year today, mother of Maria and Meera is an entrepreneur who runs her own book café in the busy city of Mumbai. Maria and Meera along with their father helped her achieve her dreams of having her own book café.

Merrily and happily, the family sleeps each night now with love and gratitude filled in their hearts.

Love – Lost and Found

It was the night he most awaited for the entire year, the night of celebration, joy, peace and hope. The air was cool, and the winds were making the winters crisper by the night. His hooded eyes searched for someone special. All year this was his only chance to see her. Even when he saw her from the distance, his heart skipped a beat. His life was filled with everything one would desire – money, fame, success a swanky apartment in the heart of city, he had it all. He was the head chef of the restaurant that had chains across the globe. His hands created magic with the raw ingredients and people would pay anything to become his student.

Yet, deep inside the vacuum was unbearable. He felt powerless, he felt handicapped, he felt broken. He was clueless of what life had given him all the luxuries for. All he now wanted was her. They had spent their life together right since they were kids. His foster parents were friends to her family. Their families and friends thought that they were inseparable. People around them knew they were made for each other.

Running he went across the street where she stayed and in between his breath he said, “Sarah, I have made it. I always knew I wanted this, but I wasn’t sure how to tell you?”

She was excited, her heart was pumping blood with double speed now. She had waited for him to realize and say the magical three words for long now. Little did she know how the two were on separate tracks. “Tell me, Frank what is it? I am excited to know,” her cheeks were beginning to turn a color of crimson now.

“I have….I have,” he waited for the air from his lungs to slow down and give him a chance to speak.

“Relax Frank, relax! First take a few deep breaths and tell me what is it?”

“I have got admitted into the culinary school, I always dreamt of. I had applied, but I never told anyone about it because I wasn’t sure if they would accept my form and grant me the scholarship. I have been admitted into the NY culinary school Sarah.” And then e hugged her, he wrapped her into him and on his back, she cried silent tears. She had to accept the fact that his dreams were different then hers. He dreamt of a life he was never blessed with. Becoming a head chef of a Michelin Star Restaurant, he wanted an identity of his own. He had been abandoned by his father when he was three and then by his mother when he was five then. The feeling of abandonment had not left him in all these years.

Understanding his deep need of identity and acceptance she decided to let go of the love she held in her heart for so long. As time passed by, she had moved on with her life. In college, she had found a man who loved her immensely. Sarah had married Henry who she had met at college.

Frank had been busy at university and then with the internship under a celebrity chef. When he got a call from Sarah, he was busy and hence avoided the call. He called her after a week and that’s when he got the news of Sarah’s marriage. The marriage was in two days and he couldn’t attend the wedding. Since then they had never been in touch. Sarah was upset that Frank was too busy to attend her wedding.

Today years later, Frank found himself waiting to have just one glance of his lady luck. When he had succeeded in all hemispheres of life, the only missing thing in his life was love and warmth that only a family could shower him with. Without Sarah, he felt like a bird who didn’t know the way to his nest. Gradually after his success in his professional life he had known how Sarah was the love of her life and just when he had decided to propose her or take her for a date, she had announced her marriage.

Frank continued to blame himself for years and refused to move on in life. He went on date with several women he met, he flirted to his heart’s content, but love was still missing from his life.

Sarah on the other hand was struggling in her own marriage. Henry had become alcoholic and now his wrath was poured not only on her but even their daughter. Sarah did everything to protect her dignity and her daughter from the negativities in air, but she lacked the courage to move ahead in life. She had been a stay at home and finding work now was not her only challenge. Leaving her daughter alone was the bigger challenge that Sarah posed.

Today the entire town would be gathered at the church for Christmas celebrations. Sarah had her plans to go with her daughter and enjoy the festivities. Frank had plans to just get a peek of the love he had lost. This was the only time of the year, when Frank would give himself this opportunity.

Sarah was greeting someone when her daughter ran towards the Santa Claus. Frank was just a few steps away hiding behind a tree when he saw this. He followed the little one with an instinct to protect her from any harm. When the Santa went on his knees and asked her, “What gift do you want my little angel?”

Frank was shocked to hear her answer, “I want my mumma’s smile dear Santa. Papa troubles her, he slaps her too, he has taken away my mumma’s smile, can you get that back?”

Santa stroked the little one’s hair and pulled her cheeks. Santa was certainly not expecting this and tried to convince her with a happy doll. Removing the doll from his bag Santa smiled behind his beard and said, “Show this smiling doll to your mumma, the doll’s smile will bring a smile to your mumma’s face too.”

Little one believed the Santa and happily walked with the doll in her hand to her mumma. Frank sat there on the walkway and while the cold numbed his body, what he heard had numbed his brain and mind. He wondered if this was the Sarah he knew. Sarah who fought for herself, who was strongly opinionated and who had led her life on principles of self-respect.

He cried blaming himself for the mess in Sarah’s life. Had he not been a mean person lost in achieving his goals, he wouldn’t have made Sarah vulnerable enough to marry a wrong person. Sarah’s pain and the pain in her daughter’s eyes had taken Frank on a guilt trip. Sitting there and crying for long, he had decided to make amends. He drove to Sarah and Henry’s house. He sat outside and waited for Sarah to come. When he saw the car being pulled into the driveway, he waved out to grab her attention. When Sarah saw Frank there, she stopped the car with a jerk. At the back, her daughter was startled from her sleep, but the car seat protected her from getting hurt.

Sarah got down from the car and ran towards Frank. “How are you? I am so glad to see you here. How have you been all this while and in which part of the world have you been Frank?”

Seeing the innocence on her face and her curiosity to know every detail about him, Frank smiled. Last time they had met it was him talking in between breaths and today after all these years it was Sarah talking in between breaths and the tears had now begun to roll down her eyes.

He wrapped her again into her arms and this time the tears weren’t silent. She wept her heart out and held no bars.

The lights on the front porch flickered and pulled them back into reality. Henry walked aggressively putting Sarah into a defensive mode. She stood ahead of Frank to protect him from her husband’s wrath. Henry barked, “You slut, what are you doing with his man here in the darkness of the night?”

Frank could not stand the language that had been used and pulled Sarah behind him and held his hand on Henry’s shoulder to stop him from going near her. “Stay where you are gentleman, that’s no way one talks to his wife.”

“She is my wife and I will talk to her in any way I want, you are no one to interfere into our lives.” Henry’s mouth was stinking alcohol. He was clearly not in his right senses and Frank wanted to protect Sarah now.

“She is my friend, and no one harms my friend. Neither with their words nor with their hands,” Frank’s voice was stern and firm. His blood boiled to feel his Sarah hiding so timidly behind him.

Henry who was intimidated now raised his hand and took a hit on Frank. Without much delay Frank got back at him and punched him right in his gut. Henry lay on the ground in pain and that gave Frank enough time to call the police and rescue his Sarah and her daughter.

The police reached there, and this time Frank’s presence had given Sarah enough courage and strength she needed to take corrective actions for her life. The police cuffed Henry’s hand and that made Sarah feel free.

She went to the car and unbuckled her the car seat. The little one had been a witness to everything that unfolded in past few minutes. She hugged Sarah who comforted her and said, “Everything is going to fine from here my little angel. Don’t worry mumma is here.”

Next morning when the little angel woke up, she carried her doll in her tow and walked down into her mumma’s bedroom. Seeing her mumma smile, she smiled back to the doll and whispered in her ear, “Your smile is contagious, and you are my lucky doll. See how my mumma is smiling back just like before,” and she kissed her doll.

“Santa never lies,” said uncle Frank from behind who had once again had the chance to hear the little one say something like last night.

“Haww, you eavesdropped on my conversation with Santa uncle Frank? Not good, mumma says we should never eavesdrop on someone’s conversations.”

Frank held his ears and lipped a sorry to the little princess. “You got my mumma’s smile back uncle Frank, so I love you too and I forgive you,” she said.

The Christmas was merry for all three of them and Santa’s doll indeed had a smile that was contagious.

Patience – A short story

Mother Meenakshi has two daughters, Gia and Sia who are twins. Gia and Sia look a mirror image of each other, but in nature they are north pole and south pole. Gia is as cool as a cucumber and Sia is a glass of hot chocolate. Gia loves to eat sweets, while Sia loves to eat the spicy and salty food. Both are the apple of their parents’ eyes and are loved immensely and equally by mother Meenakshi and father Arjun.

Mother was gardening and both her daughters were keen on helping her. Meenakshi was very happy to see her daughters being interested in helping her and wanting to learn gardening. She gave them each a rooted tiny branch of a chili plant and jasmine plant. It was spring season and the time for the plants to grow and bear chilies and Jasmine flowers was just right. Gia and Sia followed their mother’s instructions and planted the seeds in the ground. They covered it with sufficient mud and watered them.

Each day Gia and Sia would water the plants and say their little prayers in front of them. They would even murmur their tiny secrets to the plant sometimes. After a week since they had seeded the plant, both were eager to see the number of leaves going up in their plant. Each their plant had 3-4 more leaves and that made them eager to ask their mother when the plant would bear fruits and flowers of their own.

Mother Meenakshi had smiled at the curiosity in her daughters and told them, “Gia, Sia the plant is growing already. But for them to bear fruits and flowers there is still sometime. They will have them soon when the time is right.”

“Mumma, it’s been too long. We can’t wait to see our plants have their babies too. We want to see the chilies and jasmine flowers soon now,” said Sia.

“You will get to see them very soon my little ones,” she said pulling their cheeks, “continue to water them and ensure they get enough of sunlight and love them everyday and then very soon we will have them flowering.”

Both the girls excited and satisfied with Mumma’s advise ran back to the play area in their house. Next day as they were watering the plant Sia wasn’t happy with the growth in her plants and impatiently she pulled out the tiny plants and planted them in a different spot. Gia decided to let her plants be where they were.

After a week when Gia’s plants were showing the buds, it made Sia more impatient. She again uprooted the plant and replanted it in a different place. All the while she kept changing the places, she did it hoping the plant would get a better sunlight than its prior spot.

After a few weeks, Gia had her first harvest of three chillies and a bunch of jasmine flowers. Excited to see her plant loaded with their produce, she called out her mother. Mother Meenakshi was elated to see the joy on Gia’s face. She congratulated and applauded Gia for her constant care and love towards the plant.

Mumma searched for Sia and then asked about her plants. With a sad face, Sia told her, “Mumma, my plants do not have anything, they are still bare. They aren’t even carrying any buds yet.”

Mother consoled her, “That’s okay sweetheart, we will see what needs to be done, but where are your plants? Didn’t we plant them next to Gia’s plants?”

“We did mumma, but I thought I needed to give them better sunlight and hence I first planted them there,” she pointed out in the direction and continued, “and then I rooted them there in that corner again mumma. I thought they would grow faster there than their places before.”

Mother Meenakshi cuddled Sia into her arms, wiping away her tears and explained her, “My child, for a plant to grow it has to stay long enough in one place. Changing places very frequently doesn’t help them and in fact it harms them. Now let your plants be at this place for very long. Water them, love them and nurture them and they will flourish again.”

Sia did just as she had been advised and then her plants had begun to flower too. Spring season was in bloom and their house had home grown chilies and beautiful jasmine flowers.

Gia and Sia had both learned a lesson of patience with their gardening task. They now knew how important it was for one to have patience for anything to grow and flourish. They had realized how a lot of love poured into anything with the right resources would give them the results. And the most important thing they had learned was the lesson, “For anything to develop, bloom and succeed it needed to stay in the right place for long time.”

Often when as adults Gia and Sia aren’t happy in their lives and feel anxious and their thirst for success gets unbearable they remind each other of a very important lesson they had learned in their childhood. “For success to come to us, we have to practice the art longer than we feel and develop our skills continuously.” With an incessant flow of love from their families and their own hard work in developing their skills, Gia and Sia have reached great heights in their career. The plants they had planted still continue to prosper and give them the fruits and flowers.

Mumma bear and Fluffy

Once upon a time, in a vast jungle there lived a lion. The lion is the king of the jungle, but this king was a cruel one. He never respected the other animals in the jungle and showed his authority. The lion’s name was Pinto but the other animals who disliked him called him Tinto behind his back.

His pupils were angry at the king. Every evening, Pinto would roar from his den and his sharp roar would shake the nests on the trees. Tiny animals would get scared and hide behind their parents. One evening it so happened, that the little bear Fluffy while playing in the jungle lost his way. The mumma bear and papa bear waited for their little fluffy and when he didn’t return, they went searching for him in the jungle.

After a little while, when the sun had settled, and the darkness covered the jungle, Pinto roared. His roar meant that other animals should go into their shelters and sleep until next morning. Fluffy got scared as he heard the roar. He sat under the tree and waited for some help. He made tiny mumbling sounds as he wept. Fluffy cried, he was hungry, he was thirsty, he was scared, he wanted to be with his parents, he wanted to go back into his house.

Weeping under a tree, Fluffy fell asleep. He was awakened by the heavy foot steps that were coming in his direction. He hoped it would be his parents or friends, but when he saw Pinto, he was aghast. He wanted to run and save his life, but he knew that it would anger Pinto further.

Pinto approached near to the tree and when he saw Fluffy there he said, “Little bear, why are you still outside your house? Don’t you know that when I roar, it’s time to return to your home?”

Fluffy began to weep again and then he said, “King Pinto, I want to go home, I have lost my way.”

Pinto laughed, “Young boy, you are my dinner for tonight. I am hungry, and I was out in the jungle searching for my meal. I am glad I found you.”

“King Pinto, please let me go, please don’t eat me. I am missing my parents, please take me home,” Fluffy pleaded.

Lion Pinto roared as he felt Fluffy’s pleading silly and he got irritated. When he roared, Fluffy’s mother got a hint about her son being there. She ran in the direction of the roaring noise and from behind the tree she saw Fluffy pleading to Pinto.

Very swiftly, the mumma bear moved in the opposite direction and cried aloud from there. Pinto got diverted and looked in the direction. Mumma bear cried again and this time louder than before. Greedy Pinto ran in the direction of the cries and Fluffy followed him. When they reached afar, the cries had gone silent. Pinto looked here and there and Fluffy could smell his mumma bear around. He looked here, he looked there and behind a tree he spotted his mother. He wanted to run towards his mother, but that would alert Pinto. He swiftly started to take baby steps in the backward direction, making no noise of his footsteps and reached near his mumma bear.

Mumma bear had dug a pit to hide and as soon as Fluffy reached there, she hid him into the pit. The sound of mud rolling had alerted the King and when he approached mumma bear, he ran to pounce on her. Mumma bear wanted to protect her Fluffy and with all her might she attacked the King. The king attacked back with his sharp nails and mumma bear was wounded. But her love for Fluffy gave her courage and strength to fight the mighty king of jungle. She fought fiercely and pinned the cruel king pinto down. Soon after hearing the noises, all the animals had gathered and they all attacked the king and killed him.

Fluffy came out of the pit and hugged his mumma bear. Mumma bear’s wounds were treated and she was healthy and fit again.

A leader should never belittle his pupils. The king is responsible to take care of the men, women and children in his community and not scare them. A true leader is a leader who is loved by everyone and not the one who scares the people.

Non acceptance – a short story

He had travelled 400 kilometres to reach this place which was the place of his provenance. As he opened the rusty doors, his heart was beating faster than ever. A flashback of his life ran through his nerves. Filled with emotions of love and hatred, joy and pain at the same time he found it difficult to get hold on his own self. The platform where his mother cooked meals stood there calling out to him, the corner where he learned to write and read was soaked in mud now. From the window he could see the pole where his precious bicycle and cow were secured. Each corner of this house had some story to tell and some memory for Hrishikesh.

Being the only grandson he was the beloved of his grandparents. His grandparents would show him off to the entire village of Lammasingi as their priced possession. He would enjoy all the attention from the villagers when they would praise his fish shaped dark eyes. His hair reflected the inheritance from his mother which were not only a thick bush but were a shade of perfect black too.

He had been a witness to the hard labour that his grandfather and father used to put each day into coffee farms. They would work each day to ensure that the plants gave the best coffee that would be available for sale from Lammasingi village. The rich aroma of the coffee plantations still lingered around Hrishikesh as he was immersed in the flashback of his life.

As he slowly walked up to the veranda of this old building which now stood isolated among hotels, he could see the little Hrishikesh playing with all his friends and his little sister. His mother and grandmother would sit in the veranda with the entire female population of the village. Kids playing around, going to school together with the cycle rickshaw uncle to ply them, tasty meals in the afternoon, evenings out with grandfather, beautiful garden and the coconut trees by the beach overlooking the house, rich aroma of coffee when the bread earners of the family came back was all that life in this village comprised of.

Hrishikesh as he sat on the veranda of his childhood home wondered what disturbed this routine. The questions in his head wouldn’t stop when he thought of the series of events that led his mother to run for their life to the huge city of Kolkata.

Hrishikesh could feel the goose bumps on his hands as he thought of that fateful day. After losing his grandparents to the curses of floods in the village, his father could not absorb the fact that their coffee crops too were destroyed. Hrishikesh had seen a man transform to a beast due to non-acceptance. When the entire village had moved on and begun to build their lives again his father was not to accept things. To feed the children and keep their education going, his mother had taken up the duties of his father. Each day he recollected how relentlessly his mother would wake up, drop Hrishikesh and his sister to school, and go to the farms. After the school Hrishikesh and his sister would be picked up by the neighbours and stay there till mother came back from the farms.

One such night when Amma was reading stories to kids, the doors were opened forcefully. Hrishikesh and his sister Kulika who were nearly asleep were jolted by the event. Amma held both her kids into her arms until she saw that the men were no other than her neighbours. “Don’t worry we are here to save you, take Hrishi and Kuli and come along with us.” Unable to make sense of the situation Amma had decided to trust her instincts that day and elope with the two kids.

With Kulika swinging in Amma’s arms, Hrishikesh was held by Cheru kaka as they ran to his house. Once they had reached his house, Amma had tried hard to stay poised and calm Kulika who was crying helplessly due to the discomforts in the middle of the night.

After Kulika was asleep, Amma ran to Cheru kaka’s mother who the villagers fondly called as Dadi. Dadi was nursing Hrishi to sleep but he was not to sleep until he got to know why he had to leave his house. “Dadi what happened, are you aware of why Cheru bhaiya got us here?” asked Amma. “I only told Cheru to get three of you here, until I inform neither of you three will step out of this house.” She looked at Hrishikesh and warned him gently. Like he had nodded as a kid, Hrishikesh nodded today too recalling that unlucky night. “Mohini, your husband has killed one of the members from the gang of goons of the neighbouring village and has gone missing. They say he was drunk and his intentions were only to beat the guy and not kill. The goons are finding his house and will kill all of his family and so Cheru has got you all here.”

Hrishikesh felt his legs shivering in fear that moment and the pain that he felt as he saw amma crying that night he realised had still not subsided. That very moment as a child Hrishikesh had decided to never forgive his father.

“Dadi, I don’t believe what you say. He can never kill anyone. They are wrong, I need to find him and rescue him.” Joining her hands and falling to Dadi’s feet amma continued, “Dadi, will you take care of my kids while I find him” she cried. As dadi lifted amma back into her arms she had a lump in her throat. “Hrishu and Kuli are our kids too Mohini and I shall take utmost care, but Cheru has seen everything unfolding in front of his eyes. Why would Cheru lie to me or you? I understand your concern for your husband but understand your priority is the security of these kids as of now Mohini.” Amma had no choice but to ensure that her kids were safe at that time.

Next morning, as Hrishikesh recollected dadi was feeding Kulika and Hrishikesh was helping amma to clean up the kitchen, Cheru kaka had knocked in the door secretly. He whispered in a very soft voice and instructed Mohini to cover her head with the pallu and Hrishikesh to go and hide under the cot. Understanding the urgency of the situation they did just as instructed.

Next moment, someone had broken the doors of their house and was hurling abuses, “We are searching every corner of this village to find that murderer’s family, we are sure they are hiding in one of the neighbour’s house. If they are here, we will kill your family too, remember Cheru.”

“No one is here can you see anyone around. Who is this lady clad in the beautiful sari Cheru” the man barked out in a sly manner?

Hrishikesh could see the floor getting wet with a drop of tear falling from amma’s eye. That very moment he wanted to get up and hit the man in his face. Today as the episode races through Hrishikesh’s head he punched his fist to the hard flooring of the veranda where he sat. He got up and sat on the floor resting his head against a box structure in centre of the veranda.

“Mind your language, she is my daughter in law and in this village, we respect every woman.” Dadi snarled back at the man. “We are not sheltering anyone here; get out of my house before I kill you for disrespecting my daughter.”

At once Hrishikesh could hear the footsteps going outside the house. He cried silently then and cried uncontrollably now.

As he heard amma crying after the goons had left he came out from under the bed. Wiping his mother’s tears, he had a lump in his throat. Dadi held both of them close to her and comforted as Cheru kaka took care of Kulika. What Dadi said then had become a foundation of life for Hrishikesh and amma.

“His father couldn’t accept the reality and that’s why he caught the wrong way Mohini. Life will not always remain same; the ups will make you feel happy and the lows will test you. Hold on to your faith and bile away the tough times.” Saying this she took Mohini and sat her on the cot. “I have a few relatives in Kolkata, they will help you find a house and until then you stay in the dharmashalas that provide shelters to the Brahmins, I will put a word there and you shall be allowed to stay.”

Mohini couldn’t believe that she was to bid adieu to the village where she had built her little nest. In between her bewailing eyes she kept nodding a no and said, “Dadi, what will I do there, how will I feed my children, how will I get money to get them educated.”

As that evening was replaying in Hrishikesh’s mind, he replayed the entire dialect in his head once again, “Dadi, what will I do there, how will I feed my children, how will I get money to get them educated.” Not once in this entire sentence Hrishikesh realised had Mohini worried about herself, all she was worried was about him and Kulika. A deep sense of gratitude was flowing through him as he looked towards the sky as if to find amma there.

A blurred image of his mother was beginning to form in front of Hrishikesh’s eyes now. He got up and walked towards that figure. “My child, my Hrishu I am always around you in spirits to protect you. To a mother her kids are always her life, her first priority, no matter what hardships she might have to take, she will endure it all a smile. For a mother, there is nothing as important as her child Hrishu.”

Hrishu knelt near that figure until he felt her hand blessing him and once when he opened his eyes he knew that amma had blessed him and went over to the heaven again.

As he sat there throughout the evening, he relived each day when her mother had strongly braved each day in Kolkata, how she had secured a job of a helper in hospital. How her devotion to her job had led the management to give her the respect of a nurse within a period of meagre two years of her service. Hrishikesh couldn’t remember a day where amma had cursed his father or spoken ill about the village, each day she had taught Kulika and Hrishikesh to be thankful for whatever life offered. Each day she had revered her job and taught only good things to both the children. She would take each day as it came, their days of struggle were never painful because of the smile amma had around.

As Hrishikesh was doused in his past, he thought of the day when amma had passed away, he hadn’t witnessed a more peaceful death than amma’s. In her sleep, she had started her journey towards the heavenly abode. The shine on her face even after her body had turned into a corpse was divine to watch.

What had surprised Hrishikesh was the fact that no one amongst the hospital staff who attended the funeral knew of amma’s past, the pain she had endured. All they had to say about amma was regarding her service. The patients she had handled were also coming to visit Hrishikesh when they got the news of her demise.

Such was the aura that amma had left with her positivity and her endurance to face life instead of fighting it.